i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize