My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
