your parents love me but you hate me
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
