take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
