So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
