come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
