she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
