im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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