i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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