i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
