So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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