So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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