dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
