I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
