She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Life is so much better after having sex.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
