My hand turned me down
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
