yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
