End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Sext me about skeletons
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize