she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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