You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
