I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Watching her eat just hurts me
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
