Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
And then my night got REAL pukey
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
