Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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