brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
