I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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