My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
