I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
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