If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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