Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
