Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
