i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
