I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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