And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
