Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Randomize