Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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