I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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