im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize