If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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