Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
