Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
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