An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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