Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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