We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
