My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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