It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
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