tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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