omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
