Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
be right there i have to get my cape
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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