11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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