its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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