If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
