I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
