Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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