but the lizard people decide everything anyway
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
