VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
