Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
