he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
