My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize