awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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