So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
