dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
