4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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