Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
