So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
